T-78

Just a quick note to give us something to talk about when we see each other. :)

God's timing still mesmerizes me. Discussed testimony with some friends several weeks ago, heard another's testimony a couple of weeks ago and was reminded of the power of testimony... today had an opportunity to give my 8 minute testimony to my church. What a great opportunity to reach out!

Anyway, just wanted to share in an informal manner. I'll try to do something more formal later.

Shalom,
Carl

Okay, here is the testimony I gave...

When I read Randall’s outline of the rebellious person’s life, I thought someone was playing a cruel joke on me. You see, I have a rebellious spirit and that outline fit me like a glove.

· As a child, I was devoted to God. I was raised in a Southern Baptist church and on Sunday mornings, evenings, Wednesday nights and any other time the doors were open, you could find me there. I was devoted. Sunday school, training union, children’s choir, bell choir, vacation bible school, summer camp and Royal Ambassadors, that was me. I raised money for Lottie Moon and carried my fair share of pot-luck dishes. My heroes were smugglers! The guys who smuggled Bibles into China! I loved the Lord and I followed him the best I could.
· I can’t say anything about my parent’s faith then. We attended church but never discussed matters of faith at home. They were heavily involved in the Masonic Lodge, Masonry, Shriners and Eastern Star. My sister was a Rainbow girl and I was a De Molay. In the course of time, my family became a statistic and I became a rebel. Naturally, I blamed myself for my parents’ divorce and even more than that, I blamed God. Why would he do this to me? I became cynical and hard-hearted.
· Eventually, I wanted no part of hypocritical church people, no part of religion, no part of God and I quit going to church, I renounced Christ and relegated him to ‘nice guy’ status. My Bible, worn from childhood sword drills, was parked on a shelf where it collected dust and was forgotten along with all my other books of fairy-tales and folklore. I turned my back on God, crying out “I will not serve you” and willingly embraced the ways of the world. I became an idolater and worshipped at the altar of sex, drugs and rock-and-roll. I promoted myself and my pursuit of worldly success, personal happiness and financial freedom to god-hood. On every high hill and under every spreading tree, I laid down and sold myself.
· For twenty years, I worked to make it in the world according to my way. Along the way I came to know the echoing sound of an iron door slamming shut. And I knew tears, great rivers of tears. Jobs came and went, my businesses failed and my debt multiplied. In my trail I left a wake of broken promises, busted relationships, disappointment and despair. Everyone that tried to love me ultimately received my wrath.
· My life was a train-wreck with few survivors. I was beset by guilt and I endured remorse. I was sorry for the things I got caught in. I thought that if I only worked harder, cut more corners, was more cunning or shrewd, my life would be better; my dreams realized. So I endeavored not to get caught anymore and I dreamed ever bigger dreams. I built my houses on the sand and one by one, the castles I built crumbled; my life was one catastrophe after another. The consequences of my sin were my constant companions. My own divorce was imminent. Even so, faith and repentance were for weaklings, losers and the gullible but definitely not for me.
· Of course, none of this was my own fault. It was always and in all ways the result of someone else’s treachery, ineptitude or deceit. It was my wife’s fault or my friends fault or an attorney’s fault but never, ever my fault.
· Again and again I would call out to ‘the Creator’ or ‘the judge’ for justice. In pain and tears I would cry out to God for mercy; expecting no answer. I got exactly what I expected.
· Whenever disaster would strike I would cry out to the God of my childhood and in his silence or in his rejection, I would curse him, even denying his very existence. I searched for the answers to my questions in Hedonism, Buddhism, Deism, New Age Mysticism, Atheism and capitalism.
· That is not to say that God was not present in my life. Despite my denials he paired me to a beautiful and godly woman who was so patient and persistent. He blessed us with beautiful children, less patient and very insistent. And God the Father, he whom I denied, watched the horizon and waited, patiently; while I hungered for the slop fed to pigs.
· Yes, those were the good old days, may they rest in peace. As the children grew I realized that I was in way over my head. We decided that our children needed to learn some morals and where better to learn them than at church. That’s where we had learned them and it had not hurt us too much. So we enrolled our children in mother’s day out and started dropping them at Sunday School. It was a really great baby-sitting service, great location, priced right and it allowed us to sleep in on Sunday mornings. Yes, I came to Central out of purely selfish reasons to take advantage of the church. And my life continued to deteriorate.
· There came a day or more specifically a night, January 8, 2000 when I reached the end of my rope. The knot I had tied in it came unraveled and there was nothing left. I was emotionally, spiritually and financially bankrupt. I was guilty and I stood accused. I thought of one final use for that rope to which I had held so tightly. And in that moment, the Almighty God whom I had cursed, denied and despised compelled me to look one more place. I felt compelled to go to church with my daughter that day and to try a Sunday school class for adults. After a long argument with a very nice Aunt Bea behind the counter, I found one called Homeheaders’ in the brochure. So on January 9, 2000 I walked to a small room in the very back corner of a big round church; the last door on the left. As I opened that door to step in, my immediate instinct was to RUN! This was no place for me and I needed to ESCAPE! So I turned, put my hand on the latch and started to walk away. But in that moment, in my hard-heartedness, in my fear, in my desperation, God reached out to me, inviting me, insisting that I was in the right place; that I should sit… down. Bewildered, scared and broken, I sat down. Minutes later, in that room, seated around a folding table with a bunch of old men, my eyes were opened and there was God. It was my ‘road to Damascus’ and I was blinded by the light. In fear and awe, I came back to that class, again and again and again. In that classroom, in the Bible there was a banquet before me and I was so hungry! In the months that followed, I received the salvation and the Lordship of Christ. I died and was reborn, a new creation. I’m not.. who… I was.
· Eight years and two months later, to the day, I stand in front of this church, my church, to declare that God is real! The Lord is God! And He is very good.
· Maybe, you’re a rebel like me. Maybe, you’re wondering why you’re even here today. Maybe, you want to run away because you’re fighting the urge to give it all to God. I want you to know, right here, right now that God loves you and he wants you, just as you are. Come to Him. That’s my testimony.