At the End of Me

I love to tell the story of how God has worked a miracle in my life. In the telling of that story, I have to recount the depths of despair from which I have been delivered. It's not a pretty story, it's the kind that will make you squirm in your seat. But in order to have an appreciation for how far God has taken and is taking me, the prurient details serve an important purpose.

Everytime I relive those events, I am reminded of how sinful I am and how stained I was. At that time, there arises in me a voice that whispers in my ear. It's what I call 'channel 2' and it carries the condemnation of Satan to my ear. It tells me how bad I am and that I'm so bad, God couldn't possibly love me. It tells me that I'm worse than anyone else and that if anyone could look into my heart, they would recoil in horror.

But God, in His mercy and grace, prepared a response for this lie from the pit! And in fact, he did it thousands of years ago and recorded it for me in his Holy Word (channel 1). You see, there was Paul and he had sins and stains and apparently, he heard the same broadcast on channel 2. Consider this verse;

Romans 7:24
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from the body of death?

This sentiment is an important bellwether of the state of the sinner's heart. For until the sinner, until I, reached this point in my own understanding, there was no chance for true repentance; there was no revelation as to the ugliness of sin and there was no need for a savior. Yet upon this realization there is a magnificent awakening for this question is not rhetorical but rather righteous!

Every person must come to this point whether seeking salvation from sin or salvation from goodness. It is the common crucible through which the sinner must pass in order to become the repentant.

I think that this declaration serves as somewhat of a bookmark as well. Consider;
Isaiah 6:4
"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty."

So here's my thought on that. The sinner begins a new life in Christ when they realize as Paul did "What a wretched man I am!" Then as Christ manifests himself in their life via the indwelling Holy Spirit, they realize as Isaiah did "Woe to me!... I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King..." Standing in awe of God's love we cannot help but realize the wretchedness of our attempts at righteousness. And I know that one day, perhaps today, I will stand before the Lord God Almighty and recall my life. In that moment, I can hear myself... "what a wretched man I am! Woe to me for I stand in the presence of the King, the Lord Almighty!"

And so the tears flow down my face and they taste of salt. They remind me of the salty tears, salty sweat and salty blood that must have flowed down the face of my Savior as he poured out himself on the cross that my wretchedness would be wiped away! He is the 'live coal' of Isaiah that cleans my lips even as I breath the name of Jesus.

At the end of me is Jesus. And it is only appropriate that at the end of a post such as this, is Jesus.